Wednesday, August 4, 2010

The Break Up

So, Bonnie and Clyde (read about them here and here) have been by my side for a little over a month now. My Bonnie Numbers are good. I'm always within the perfect range and Bonnie has been as gentle with my fingers as she can be. But to be honest, Clyde and I have been having some trouble in our relationship. He's VERY demanding, and even though I know he means well, he starting to hurt me. It was all well and good at first, but slowly I felt like things got abusive. He's one of those guys that assures me the bruises are all going to be worth it if I just keep up our relationship; he likes to remind me he's the only one that can help me with Gestational Diabetes. There have been many nights I looked him right in the eye and said, "I can't do this, Clyde. I don't feel right about it. This feels toxic." And then he just slyly responds, "It's your choice, but do you really want to hurt your baby? I need you and you need me, and we both know it." How do I argue with that?
Well, I'll tell you how. One morning, I woke up and decided I couldn't take part in this co-dependent relationship anymore. After talking to Bonnie, I stood up and walked right past Clyde. I didn't even wake him up to tell him I was leaving. I didn't want the arguing or to feel the guilt I'd knew he'd try to smack me with. I just left.
That first day was hard. I constantly thought about what Clyde said: "Do you really want to hurt your baby?" The last thing I ever want to do is hurt my Abe, but something told me that I could do this without Clyde. It took a lot of Bonnie Numbers and a lot of protein, but I did it. And with each passing day, it got easier and easier to ignore Clyde.
The next big hurdle would be to tell my doctor that Clyde and I broke up. My doctor has not exactly demonstrated himself to be the most flexible when it comes to my relationship decisions. Plus, he REALLY likes Clyde. He feels like we're perfect for each other. My aunt gave me a pep talk, reminding me that I'm a grown up and my doctor is not in charge of my life. So at my next appointment, I told him. No, he wasn't thrilled. But I think my forthright attitude gave him little room to argue. I was finished with Clyde, and that was that.
So, it's been a little over a week since I've seen Clyde. He doesn't even live by my bed in anymore, he's completely moved out. Bonnie has been a big support during this time, and we both knew it was right. She's helped me to see that. Maybe someday Clyde and I will be friends again; maybe we'll find a way to have a mutually beneficial relationship. But for now, we're not good for eachother. And I feel stronger for having made the choice to let him go. I appreciate all the support I've gotten from friends and family, and if you hear from Clyde, please tell him I hope he's well.

No comments:

Post a Comment