I cooked dinner last night for my husband and I after a day of doing nearly nothing else. The moment I sat down to eat with him, I started feeling a tightening in my back. My husband was chatting with me about his day and I interrupted him to say, "My back hurts, suddenly."
"Oh," he replied. "You want me to rub it?"
"No," I said. "I'm fine."
My husband kept talking while the tightness in my back slowly spread around to my sides. I sort of drifted away from the table and stared at the wall. His voice started sounding like a quiet Charlie Brown's mom. Then the front of my belly started cramping and within in a few seconds, it felt like a huge belt was being tied around my midsection. While my husband talked, I froze like a statue with my hand on my fork. Finally, my husband stopped eating and talking long enough notice I'd become a wifesicle.
"E? You alright?"
"Yeah," I said. I wasn't alright-eat-your-dinner-I'm-normal alright, but I was alright. Finally, the belt started to loosen and I picked up my fork and ate dinner like nothing happened. It was a little out-of-body.
Nearly the same thing happened at lunch.
So when I went in to the doctor to get an update on Abe and I's mountain ranges, I asked him about that feeling. "Oh yeah? Sounds good. Those are real contractions," he smirked.
"REALLY?" I asked a little louder than necessary.
"Sounds like it. Make sure if you start feeling them often you time them."
"I had real contractions?! Like to have a baby?!?"
"Yep. It's normal."
"WOOW! I'M A CENTIMETER DILATED AND I HAD REAL CONTRACTIONS!"
At this point the doctor replied only with nodding. He sees this happen everyday so if I'm having contractions a dilating a cm, he's not really that impressed. I was smiling like someone bought me a huge ice cream and I was actually allowed to eat it. "Any other questions or changes?"
"Oh yeah, one more. There's been a lot of...stuff...coming out of...my lower regions."
"Ok. What color?"
"Oh, that's your mucus plug. You're slowly losing it. Also normal."
"MY MUCUS PLUG??? IM' A CENTIMETER DILATED AND I HAD REAL CONTRACTIONS AND MY MUCUS PLUG IS FALLING OUT??? SHOULD I BE ADMITTED?"
"It's all normal. You're fine. It could be weeks. Just go home and relax."
I couldn't understand how the doctor was so casual with all this information. I mean, this means we're on our way to having a baby, people! This is it! Shouldn't there be some kind of confetti or presentation of beautiful flowers or SOMETHING? If I ever become an OB-GYN, I'm going to have streamers and noise-makers all set up in a special room where women find out they're in the early stages of labor. It's only right!