Friday, April 30, 2010


I'll admit it. Once, when I was not pregnant, I made a joke about a pregnant woman's size. And for that, karma is repaying me IN FULL.
For all of you who have never been pregnant, let me give you a little insight. When a woman gets pregnant, her body starts changing from day one. Her boobs change. Her skin changes. Her hair changes. And of course, she gains weight. Some woman gain it all in their stomachs; some all the way around the midsection. But undoubtedly, once enough weight has been gained around the middle, the legs have to bulk up a little bit to support the now completely ridiculous basketball up top. These changes happen a little bit everyday. So we pregnant women wake up and have no idea how much bigger, wider, or heavier we will be. And while a lot of the time we feel magical and amazing, there are some days it is downright depressing to watch your favorite shirt or pair of yoga pants move to the "not-pregnant" pile.

  • That all being said, it is never, under any circumstance, funny to call a pregnant girl fatty. 
  • Don't ask her how many she has in there, either. If there's more than one and she wants you to know that, she'll tell you. 
  • Don't joke about the new, wider gate she's undoubtedly walking with. If she doesn't walk that way, she'll fall over and that's too many jokes. 
  • Even if you like her new ass, legs, or belly, she doesn't want to know that you can tell the difference, so don't comment. 
  • Stop asking her how she feels. Just take a guess at what 20 pounds suddenly gained all in one spot would make you feel like. Then pick something up off the ground for her or get her some ice chips.
  • There is no need to offer her more food. Just because she's pregnant, it doesn't mean that she has lost the ability to communicate hunger. She'll let you know.
  • When you hug her, don't shout things like, "Woah!" or, "Look out!" She's aware there is now a person between herself and everyone else she comes into contact with. 

What you can do is offer her a hand when she tries to get up off a cushy couch. You can also tell her she looks beautiful, amazing, or like she's glowing. That's really all you need to remember. Resume life with that nugget in your pocket

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