While recovering from the week's big let down, I realized that seeing as how I wasn't pregnant, I could drink! I hadn't had anything to drink in months, so I figured a glass of wine would be a good place to start. My neighbor got home at about 4pm and came over to help me choose a bottle and enjoy a glass.
That same day, my husband had a tv company out at the house working on switching our cable service. There were men in and out all day long, much to Charlie's dismay. They were supposed to finish around 3, but of course, there was some kind of technical problem and it would take a few more hours. No matter. David was the one dealing with them and their shoe covers (because I'm not mopping again).
My neighbor helped me pop a bottle of red and oh my did it smell good! I got out two fancy glasses and sat on the couch, lamenting with her about our problems. I'm sure we looked like a couple of desperate housewives, or at the very least some snobby little winos, but it felt good to sit back and relax.
It seems that after not drinking for a few months, one forgets about the affects. You see, when you drink a glass of wine, you feel great! And because that glass makes you feel wonderful, it seems like 2 would make you feel TWICE as wonderful! Right?!
While I poured a second glass at 4:30 in the afternoon, David informed me he would be leaving to run errands. Leaving? Wait a minute, mister. You never mentioned leaving! What about all these cable guys?! David told me the guys would be finished in a minute and to just relax and enjoy the wine. After having just had a glass of wine, that sounded like a good idea, so I continued pouring. If I passed out, the cable guys would just have to step over me (wearing those shoe covers, of course).
It would be over an hour before the cable guys were finished, and by that point let's just say my neighbor and I had become fairly verbose. Marco, the main cable guy, came into the living room to do the "education." That's what he called it. Apparently, cable companies are now taking the time to instruct people on how to use their products to prevent technologically-green folks from clogging up their customer services lines so those poor service reps have time to be rude and dismissive to people who REALLY have problems. The trouble was, Marco entered into the "education" portion of the day at about 5:45pm, or as I was calling it at that point, Wine-Thirty. He showed me the remote control and started explaining how to change channels and scroll through the guide. Ordinarily, I would politely explain that I knew how to use a remote control, even a fancy one. But all wined-up, I held in the biggest case of the giggles ever and told him I'd gone to Cable University while my neighbor shoved her head in a pillow (very discretely), holding her wine glass straight up in the air. When he asked me if I knew my IP address, I recited my own address and laughed again. My neighbor asked, "Isn't that something that they give you, like, at the cable place?" This poor man.
After about 10 minutes, Marco decided to write down the rest of the information "for my husband" and give me a brochure. It really wasn't until later when David asked me how to find the sattelite music stations on our new cable box that I felt really badly about having not paid attention during my "education." It took me about 45 minutes the next day to figure out how to record a television series. And to this day, I can't tell him why we can only record HD channels in the living room and not in the bedroom. I'm pretty sure Marco told me, I just can't remember. Of course, I'm sure if I called, the service rep would condescendingly refer me to the brochure I received during my "education".
The moral of the story is, don't underestimate the power of the cable education. It's worth listening. Even taking notes. And if anyone can help me find the picture-in-picture button on my remote, I'd really appreciate it.
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