Friday, September 18, 2009

Auditory Discrimination

I have been working on being a more sensitive wife. I've grown to become a very "get-over-it" type of person, which isn't always what my husband wants to hear, and very rarely what I want to hear. Total double standard.
So we're listening to the rabbi speak about Rosh Hashana and exchanging quick comments and questions under our breath to each other. He holds out his hands with a sad face and says, "My hands are looking cold."

My first reaction is: You're a grown man. Rub them together. Warm them up.
But my Sensitive Wife reaction is: Stop it, Erin. Take is his hands in yours and warm them up.

So I do. I take his hands, put them between mine, and rub them to warm them up.
He then looks at me with a face that says, "Well, that's not going to warm them up."

My first reaction is: Are you kidding me? I'm doing something nice for you. Warm them up yourself!
But my Sensitive Wife reaction is: He wants me to try harder. It speaks to him when I actually try to make him comfortable.

So I bring his hand to my mouth and blow hot air, like you would on a cold day on the mountain before your hot chocolate is ready.
He looks at me again and mouths, "Thank you?" Just like that; like he's asking if that's all I've got.

My first reaction is: Are you FREAKING KIDDING ME?! I'm trying to HELP YOU. This is bordering on EMBARRASSING.
But my Sensitive Wife reaction is: Alright, enough of this sweet warming up your hands crap. I'LL WARM THESE HANDS UP IF IT KILLS ME.

I take both of his hands, put them between my knees (which feels so inappropriate in a Temple), and rub them with my hands at the same time. I look at him with a "warm-enough-yet-you-cold-handed-freak?" face.
He just continues looking at me.
What else could I possibly do? Here I am doing everything in my power to be freaking sensitive and a damn loving wife and all you can do is look at me like I've failed your poor, fragile little man hands without so much as a "Thanks for trying." I am sure my face reflected this frustration. He cracked a smile. A smile. Why the hell are you smiling at me, you creep??

"I said, 'My hands are looking old.'"

I laughed so hard I snorted like Ernie. The table looked over at me like I was interrupting the most important moment of their lives. I didn't even acknowledge them in between snorts. Besides, it was too funny a moment to let pass without laughing so they can just get over it.

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