Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The 7 Types of Redneck : Part 2

The Women

Type 5: The 4-H
This breed of Redneck can tell you the worth of every boar and cow in the tri-county area. She typically wears a large straw hat, Wrangler jeans, and a lot of plaid shirts. More often than not she is married to her high school sweetheart (usually Type 4) and weighs more than him. She is a proud member of the FFA and aspires to win first place in next year's Redneck Games (she is excellent at bobbing for pigs' feet).

Type 6: The Pregnant Bride
This breed takes no issue with marrying her boyfriend in a Waffle House or on a small mound of dirt after letting out her best friend's wedding dress (her best friend is now single). She often already has a child from a previous relationship with a "sum-bitch" who "worked all the time." Typically still on probation from her DUI last summer, this Redneck works as a full-time "mom" and breeds daschunds (which she calls wiener babies).

Type 7: The Thong
This Redneck thrives on attention. She is usually the first one at the bar and the last one to be dragged out (typically by her hair or g-string) by a Type 1 or 2. If her thong does not peek through the top of her jeans to reveal the jewel or charm hanging from the back, then she has purchased jeans that are too large. She is most commonly shouting: "Who wants to buy me a drink?" and "Y'all are stupid if you ain't think I'm sexy."


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  2. I always enjoy your blogs :)
    I thought this was also appropriate to include: