Sunday, May 16, 2010


I never realized just how many ways there are to completely avoid bending over until I got pregnant. I call it "Not-Bending". Today I filled up a huge glass of water. Upon realizing the dogs' water bowl was empty, I quickly analyzed the situation and decided to stand next to it, pour my glass of water into the dogs' bowl, and then refill my glass in the refrigerator door. Didn't have to bend over once.
Summer has arrive and I decided to plant flowers in some empty terra cottas hanging out in the garage from last year. The trouble? I was going to have to bend over to fill them with soil, even if I sat on a chair they were still too low. Solution? I propped the bag of soil up onto a tall chair next to me with the help of my husband (and the pregnancy card), dug my gardening shovel into the bag and just dropped the soil into the pots. Sure, potting soil got everywhere; but when I was finished, I sprayed the entire patio off using the garden hose. Didn't have to bend over to do that either. Not-Bending.
Another idea I had recently to keep from bending over involved tricking my husband just the slightest bit. Sure, I can do that dishes at the sink, no bending over there. But loading them into the bottom rack of the dishwasher meant bending over REPEATEDLY. As this is to be avoided at all costs at this point in my life, I have cleverly taken to loading only the top rack, leaving plates and silverware in the sink for him to load. Not-Bending. I mean, they're half his dishes, right?
I've completely mastered the art of picking up dirty clothes with my feet. No bending over there. And when the laundry basket is full? I do NOT pick it up. I just kick it with my feet all the way to the laundry room.
So you see, my friends, I am the ultimate mother looking out for my child's well-being. I would never dream of squishing or cramping the beautiful boy growing in my stomach by bending over. It's just not the type of mother I care to be. He is fully protected and, thankfully, if I do drop something directly to the floor by accident, I'm showing enough now that 97 people immediately rush to pick it up for me. And if no one is around, then I guess whatever I dropped will just have to stay there until someone gets home or a grocery-store clerk puts it back on the shelf with the other apples. Not-Bending is a learned-skill, one I recommend all women begin to think about prior to getting pregnant.

No comments:

Post a Comment