Five Months

Dear Abraham,

You are 5 months old today. FIVE. Five months ago, a five month old seemed like the oldest baby ever to me. And now, here you are. A five month old baby living in my house. The first three months didn't fly by, but the last 2 sure have.
So who are you today?
You are funny. You blow raspberries and mimic the inflection of my words. You smile HUGE smiles when I toss you up over my head. When daddy went away for 2 days on business, your ENTIRE body danced when you saw him again.
You are strong. You barely sit down in my lap anymore. You love to jump and kick your legs and experiment with what your hands can grab. You reach out for people and objects in a way you never did before. There is no telling how long a Johnny Jump-Up lasts, but you will see it through to the end of its days if left to your own devices. When I put you on your belly, you swim like a fish, desperately hoping it will get you closer to moving. Some days I feel badly for you because I know how much you want to move.
You are smart. Boy are you smart. You've learned which noises make mommy come running and then you smile when I get there. You know which toys on your Exersaucer make sounds and you immediately start pushing them when I set you in it. You know that when Bella walks by, all you have to do is open your mouth and lean and she'll give you doggie kisses. (And I think you also know how crazy that makes me.)

You sort of like your car seat now. The other day you fell asleep in it and didn't even cry. You've decided walking in the stroller is the BOMB and so we do it almost everyday. You've not exactly mastered the art of sleeping at night, but you're getting really good at taking naps. I miss you when you nap.
Every morning you and your dad greet me in bed with coffee. Daddy lays you down next to me and you smile and coo good morning at me. It's one of my favorite times of any day I've ever had.
I'll be honest, I've had a lot of anxiety and sadness. And the reason I know it's not normal "new mom" anxiety anymore is because you are an amazing, happy, easy baby as compared to 3 months ago. You go with the flow. Yes, I'm still sleep-deprived because, even though you go back to sleep when I give you the pacifier, I don't. But even sleep-deprived, I'm not sure I feel like my brain and body are communicating properly. I'm going to talk to my doctor about it next week. I want to be the best mommy, the one you deserve, and I don't feel like I'm able to do that right now.
This morning you woke up with your first cough. I freaked out for a while, but you have been smiling at me all day as if to say, "It's fine mom. I'm fine. Relax." So I'm going to try and do that.
You are amazing, amazing, amazing. I'm so excited for the next month. You grow everyday and I just can't imagine what you'll do tomorrow.

Love,
Mom

P.S. Please sleep.