Four Months

Today you are 4 months old.
There's no telling the amount of stop signs I've run or small items I've inadvertently stolen from the grocery store on account of sleep depravation. I sing your playmat songs in the shower and I hummed your bouncy chair song while pumping gas the other day. I eat every meal at lightening speed, even when you're asleep or when someone else is taking care of you. And I can now hear your first wake up noises from 500 paces.

But enough about me.

You are no longer a pet rock. You are now a person. One morning, the week after you turned 3 months old, you woke up and announced you were no longer going to stand idly by watching the world turn. You decided to become an active participant on the spot, and you haven't looked back. Except for when I'm nursing you...you constantly look back to see what is behind you, in turn detaching from my boob, and proceeding to scream as though someone has ripped it away from you before you latch back on and start that whole process over again.
You are very smiley, so smiley that I can't believe sound doesn't come out yet. You strongly dislike being held like a "baby". You want to be upright viewing your surroundings. You have learned how to grab objects and bring them to your mouth, talk to your Dad and me as though you were truly having a conversation with us (and sometimes I think you're desperately trying to tell me all about God and heaven before you forget it all with age), and you finally rolled all the way over on Christmas day. There is no television too close or too big for your viewing, and I find no shame in the fact that I've propped you up in your Bumbo chair many evenings in front of the TV while I cook dinner. You love The Electric Company, and who wouldn't?
You are getting a little bit better at sleeping, though there's always room for improvement in this house. Some nights you require my attention a lot more than others, and just when I think I can't take it anymore you sleep for 8 hours. I usually stay awake from hours 6-8 wondering if you will ever wake up again when you do that.
You continue your ongoing rivalry with the parrot that hangs from your playmat. Today, for the first time, you chewed on its tail without sticking its wing in your eye. Victory! You practice overpowering parrot everyday and because of this, you've learned to grab on to many other toys and body parts (I won't name which one you've just discovered, but let's say it'll only be cute for another year or so). Some mornings you lay on the changing table and stare at your hands as though they are their own independent theatre group with a puppet show just trying to earn a few extra dollars on the Santa Monica Promenade. You cheer for them and coo with delight at their stories until you remember you're a baby and can't move on to the next show without my help.
You drool as though the president of the united states asked you to single-handedly solve the clean water crisis in Africa. It's incredible that you are not constantly dehydrated. And you produce more boogers than any anyone else I know. I don't know how those two talents combined will help you earn a living later in life, but if Johnny Knoxville can do it, I'm sure you'll be fine.
I love smooshing my face into your belly and watching you play in the morning; you always look bigger in the morning. I love bath time with you. I love lifting you up like Super Man and watching you smile all the way back down to Earth. There are still days when I feel some loss for the spontaneous life I used to live. I try to remind myself that it is inevitable: I will be able to eat out at a restaurant again without anxiety that you need me or that you're crying. I long for the ability to get in the car without speeding to my destination because you might start screaming in the back seat. I pray you learn that sleep is just as important as eating someday soon. That's just mom being honest.
You're my sky, bigger than life and always shining. I'm really proud to be your mom and I'm so grateful you chose me and your Dad. We may not always make the right choices, but we will try everything and anything it takes to make you happy and keep you healthy. I love you. Happy Four Months, Abey Baby.
Love,
Mom