"Bah bah bah bah bah."
"Yeah, bud? What else? Tell mama!"
I need gas. Wonder if Abe will last long enough to go to Target and get gas.
"Bah bah BAH BAH bah bah."
"Wow, bubba. You're a loud dude! What else?"
"Bah bah BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH..."
"OK OK! Mama hears you! We'll just get gas and go home. Almost home."
Does he...oh. Damn. He kicked the mirror. I can't tell if he's got his sippy cup.
<try turning around>
Hm. I don't see it.
"Do you have your sippy cup, Abe?"
Red light. Perfect. I'll turn around and...yep. There is it. Shoot. Unbuckle my seat belt, reach, almost...
"BAH BAH BAH."
"I know, I'm getting it bud."
"Here you go, sweetie."
Maybe that's why he was...
"BAH BAH BAH BAH..."
...yelling. Maybe not. It's 20 minutes from nap time. He's probably super tired.
Good lord. Please stop playing Rhianna.
<change radio station>
Jesus, how many singles does she have?
<change radio station>
We can listen to NPR. Maybe Abe will feel like I'm talking to him. I should probably talk to him more. Especially when we're driving.
"Hey sweetie! What are your feet doing? Kicking? Looks like so much fun! WOAH..."
CHRIST! HELLO? BLINKER? NICE BLINKER! Asshole.
God, don't these people have children? Or know children? Or know about the fact that there are children?
"You tell 'em, Abe. USE YOUR BLINKER."
Gas station! We can stop quickly and then run to Target. He'll make it.
<pulls into gas station>
"I'm going to put gas in the car, Abe. I'll be right outside your window! Ready! We're going to play the window game!"
Shit, where's my wallet. Oh come on, are you kidding me? WHERE'S MY WALLET? Ugh. I've been driving around without a wallet. That's just great. Where is it?
How many miles do I have left, what's the range?
Hm. I'm probably 4 miles from home. We can make it. And Target is on the way. So it's fine. Ok.
"Ok, all finished, Abe. Let's go to Target. Mama couldn't find her wallet so..."
Oh for God's sake, how am I going to go to Target if I don't have my wallet??!
"BAAAAAAAAAAH BAH BAH BAH bah bah bah bah."
"Almost home. We're going home now. No Target. We can just go straight home."
It's fine, I'll do laundry. I can go to Target tomorrow.
"I know sweetie. We're going home right now. You're hungry, huh sweetie?"
Ok, I can give him carrots, sweet potatoes...no wait. He didn't eat those yesterday. I don't have chicken cooked. I think we're out of sliced turkey. Gosh, we don't even have an avocado. I could give him...hmm...bacon? No, I can't do that. Eggs. I have eggs. He can have an egg and some carrots. God, that's an awful lunch.
"Almost there, baby. Mama's going to feed you a yummy lunch and then we'll have a nice nap."
WHY IS EVERY LIGHT RED?
I've gotta get him the pacifier. I'll have to put it in park. Reach. I can't keep my foot on the...
Oh, right, ok, HONK at me. It's been green for like 5 minutes, right?
"Next light, sweetie, I'll get it for you. Next light. Almost there."
I should just pull over. We're so close to home though. AH! Red light! Perfect!"
<reach back, pacifier to Abe>
"There, baby. Now we can just relax because we're almost home. Only 3 more turns. I looooove you."
Alright. I'll get inside, I'll pull the carrots out and I think there's a hard boiled egg in there. Great. Oh, and I'll let the dogs out. Or maybe leave them in while I get lunch so Abe can see them and play and be distracted. Ok, dogs with Abe, get lunch out, feed him and put him down. And then laundry. Perfect.
"Home bubbah! Ready for lunch? Look! It's raining outside! Just in time for lunch and a nap."
Aaaaand he's asleep.